14. Menage a trois

A new guy who I refer to as “Dudface” moved into our house, and became enamored with Hayden.  He became Hayden’s lackey, helping to renovate the house, hanging around with us all the time, and saying horrible things about me which Hayden, of course, would repeat to me. (Note:  any friend or partner who will repeat bad gossip about you to you is not your friend).

Another boy began hanging around with us too, a blonde muscular boy named Jack, who was enamored with both of us, especially me.  He would visit us often, once bringing me a red rose.  “I like both of you,” he would say.  One night he invited us for a walk to the graveyard.  “Let’s lie down, ” he said as he offered us a joint.  We lay down close together, with me in the middle.

Then Jack took off his pants.  Hayden and I became uncomfortable, even though Hayden was still telling me we would have sex tomorrow.  Hayden made jokes about Jack’s lack of pants.

“Now you take off your pants,” Jack said to me.  I froze in disbelief.

“All right, let’s go.” Hayden said.

Later on I heard a D.J. on the radio reporting on the results of a survey:  women’s number one fantasy was a menage a trois.  I immediately regretted turning my opportunity down.

Jack was impossibly cute.  What would it have been like?  Would Jack have started making out with Hayden?

I told a fair, innocent looking redhead about my thwarted adventure.  To my surprise, she told me she had had lots of threesomes.  What kind of prude was I?

Meanwhile, our favorite couple friends came over; Jessica, a slightly plump freshman with punk hair, and Ray, a brilliant physicist and musician who also studied literary theory.  Jessica announced that she had cancer.  We were stunned, but did not know what to say, or what questions to ask.  We were too young.  And we hadn’t known Jessica for long.

“That’s…terrible.” I said.  I wanted to know how long she had to live, but didn’t ask.  “Would you like some caviar?”

We had become addicted to caviar, eating it on crackers with cream cheese as we sat in our wingback chairs in the ballroom.

A few months later, Jessica told us she had never had cancer.  She just wanted attention.  I wasn’t nearly as angry enough as I should have been.

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1 Comment

Filed under humor, mature content, memoir

One response to “14. Menage a trois

  1. maxine

    Note: any friend or partner who will repeat bad gossip to you is not your friend. – Amen to that!

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